Reds and Blues of the Old Republic: Ultimate Rewrtes Edition
by Ron the True Fan
Summary: When the EMP went off, the RVB crew were sent to the Endar Spire. Pray for the Republic. Pray for the Sith. Pray for your very SANITY, because they're BACK! Co-written (by request) with 117Jorn


Reds and Blues of the Old Republic: Ultimate Rewrite Edition

(Author walks toward the camera from an inky blackness)

AUTHOR: Good day, everyone. As you no doubt have guessed, I am Ron the True Fan. Today, I bring you the UR Edition of _Reds and Blues of the Old Republic_. I have been procrastinating over this for almost two fucking years. As of 11:07 PM EST on August 8th, 2013, I stop fucking around. Here comes _RVBOTOR_ URE!

"Ow. What the hell hit me?"

"Sir, Grif's awake!"

The orange-armored Staff Sergeant Dexter Grif (unofficially demoted to Private) sat up in the middle of a hallway on a ship.

"Good! Give him the SitRep!"

And with Sarge's voice, Grif was wishing he was still asleep.

"What the fuck is Sarge talking about?"

Simmons, clad as always in his maroon armor, crouched beside the lazy Red.

"He wants me to tell you what the hell's going on. Well, the EMP happened and we ended up on this shiny-looking ship."

Red bolts flew over their heads the second Simmons was done speaking.

"Oh, and we're getting shot at by those silver-armored assholes."

Sarge fired at the aforementioned silver-plated assholes with his M6G .50 caliber magnum handgun, taking out two of them with headshots while he dumped the rest of his magazine into another one. "Simmons, quit your lollygagging and shoot at these assholes!"

Simmons pulled out his BR55SR battle rifle and blind-fired the weapon over his shoulder.

While every shot missed, the silver assholes got the message and ran away.

"Well, that was interesting. What the fuck is going on?"

Grif finally got a good long look at the general area.

"And where the fuck are the Blues?"

Something exploded on the other end of the ship.

Other end of the ship

Apparently Caboose's self-styled moniker of 'The Vehicle Destroyer' also extended to warships.

The blue-armored retard had thrown a plasma grenade into the engine room, and the ship was in the process of dying as it pitched toward the atmosphere of an unknown planet.

"Goddamn it, Caboose!"

Caboose turned to face the cobalt-armored Leonard H. Church, who had somehow returned to his body.

"Church!"

Caboose attempted to hug the man, but got an SRS-99D sniper rifle pointed at his head.

While Church was a horrible shot, the barrel was practically touching the visor. No one, not even Church, could miss at that range.

"Back the fuck off, Caboose. Now, where the fuck are we?" "AAAHHHH!" Both turned to face a hatch, where a familiar scream was coming from. "Tucker? Where the fuck-" The teal-armored lady killer ran out from the hatch, running from what looked like red laser bolts.

"HELP!"

Church sighed, taking out his MA5C assault rifle and firing in Tucker's general direction. As predicted, every bullet missed the Blue, but they made the idiots in silver run away screaming.

"What the fuck, man?! You could've hit me!"

"Tucker, as much as I hate to say this, my aim **sucks**. And while, yes, I _WAS_ aiming at you, not one bullet touched you, right?"

Tucker pulled out his Plasma Sword.

"You know, I REALLY want to fucking gut you."

"You might get your wish eventually. Until then, we need to get the hell off this ship."

Tucker wondered what Church was talking about, then spotted Caboose.

"What the hell did he do?"

"I threw a grenade."

Caboose almost sounded PROUD.

Tucker screamed and prepared to stab the retard, but the ship lurched forward, knocking them into an escape pod.

"Caboose, I am going to KILL you!"

All three men screamed as their pod launched from the dying warship, and as they bounced around like pinballs, all Church and Tucker could think about was how painfully and slowly they would be KILLING Caboose.

With the Reds

All of Red Team landed in an escape pod, and were nearly crushed by what appeared to be Red Team's Warthog.

"GREAT! OUR JEEP'S TRYING TO KILL US AGAIN!"

Correction: it WAS Red Team's Warthog.

HOW it got there, we'll never know.

What matters is THAT IT WAS THERE, TRYING TO KILL THEM.

Sarge managed to get into the passenger's seat while Grif got into the driver's seat and Simmons finally managed to get on the gun.

"AAAAHHHH!"

"Is that-"

A pink-armored form slammed into the Warthog, along with a brown-armored form.

Donut and Lopez were there, too.

Only God knew why.

"Lopez!"

The robot looked at Sarge.

"Oh, God. Not you."

"And he speaks English this time. Thank God."

"Why, God? Why did you stick me with these idiots once more?"

None of the Reds got a chance to respond to Lopez as another armored soldier dropped in.

This one was Kaikaina Grif, younger sister to the Red Team driver.

"Sis!"

"Hi, Dexter!"

The pod closed and was ejected into the vacuum seconds later, followed by dozens of others.

Most with shot down, but three managed to reach the surface without getting shot down.

Two of the three we know of: the Reds and Blues.

The third contained a pair of Republic officers: Carth Onasi and Mirelle Dane.

The latter was the most important pod in the galaxy.

Surface of Taris

A man in grey armor with yellow trim woke up on the ground, in immense pain.

"Ow. Fuck, why did I not run?"

"Well, you _WERE_ trapped, dumbass."

He stood up, grabbing and pulling out his BR55SR.

He turned it on the one person that he SHOULDN'T'VE turned it on: Tex.

"Oh, shit."

The steel-and-black armored Freelancer batted the battle rifle away.

"Relax, moron. I'm not going to kill you."

Snarls were heard from Wash's left. Ugly looking monkeys rushed toward them, and they looked hungry. "

Them, on the other hand..."

She pulled out her MA5C and opened fire, peppering them with holes.

Wash followed suit, firing his battle rifle in full-auto (AN: Is is highly possible that the BR55SR can fire in full-auto, and Grif showed this in Season 8) at the fucked up monkeys before a pod crashed down from above, killing the abominations.

"Oh, crap."

The pod broke in half, revealing some of the few people he DIDN'T want to see: the Blood Gulch Red Team, plus that stupid bitch from Blue Base.

Sith Base

"Why the hell are we here?"

"You know, that's a very-"

The two Sith guards never got to finish their conversation as an escape pod crashed right on top of their heads and killed them.

It popped open like a can of (insert canned food here) and spat out the three Blues.

"You're dead, Caboose!"

Tucker pulled out the plasma sword, but a bunch of men in silver armor rushed in, pointing their own guns at them.

"Caboose, you are one LUCKY fuck!"

Church grabbed Caboose (idiot though he was, they NEEDED the retard) as the silvers opened fire with their laser guns.

"Just fucking perfect! I know the Reds don't have to put up with this shit!"

"Maybe they do."

They glared at the retard.

"SHUT UP, CABOOSE!"

Ah, the feeling of nostalgia returning to my early days is good. Then it reminds me of how such I SUCKED.

By request, 117Jorn has requested to write this with me. Since he's not here at the moment, (epically busy) that means I might have to write the first few chapters without him.

No problem either way.

Also, it's short, but then again, RVB episodes usually are.

Next Time on _Reds and Blues of the Old Republic Ultimate Rewrite Edition_: The Sith learn the meaning of crazy from the RVB crew.

Ja Ne!


End file.
